Fast Food Showdown
by averylucas4ever
Summary: You'd think that celebrations would be fun. But what if you're stuck with Eiji...in McDonald's...with a narcissist...who challenges you to a contest? One can only handle so much "celebrating." Oneshot. Crackfic. Dedicated to chocolvr69.


**Disclaimer: **Obviously, I don't own Prince of Tennis. Why would I be here if I did?

**A/N: **So my dear friend chocolvr69 is sick. She wrote me a story to make me feel better, so I think this is probably the least I could do to make it up to her. I hope you like it! Get well soon~

P.S. The characters are probably OoC, I apologize for that. But I've never really written a well written crackfic/oneshot. Aren't characters supposed to be kind of weird in crackfics? I don't know.

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**Fast Food Showdown**

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When you're on Seishun Gakuen's tennis, having your team make it to Nationals is probably the best thing that could happen to you and your team.

Or is it?

-

The day after Seigaku's tennis team made it to Nationals, some team members decided to go celebrate. Namely, Eiji, Fuji, and Tezuka.

Fuji was among them. He recalled how he was dragged into this and why he was here, instead of doing more important things like playing with his dear little brother.

-

_Eiji was running towards him and yelling, "Fuji Fuji Fuji Fuji Fuji Fuji-"_

_"What is it?" Fuji had asked, cutting him off._

_"Oi, let's go celebrate since we made it to Nationals! But where should we go? Maybe we should go to Kawamura's sushi shop. Or maybe that new ice cream place. Or that bubble tea place! Oh, I know, the pizza place! But then there's the-"_

_"Hold up, Eiji. I never said I would go. And besides, I'm busy tomorrow," Fuji said, cutting Eiji off yet again. _Geez, _he thought,_ What does Eiji eat for breakfast? Sugar?

_"Doing what? Come on, Fuji, we all know that you don't really do anything at home except play with your brother who doesn't even want to play with you, nya!" Eiji retorted with his catty grin._

_Fuji sighed. _Curses. Foiled again,_ he thought while trying to come up with another excuse. He didn't think he could stand being around Eiji and listening to him talk nonstop about how they made it to Nationals. Sure, it was nice and all. But he needed a break. And he needed Yuuta.  
_

_"How about I ask some other people on the team to come too, Eiji?"_

_"Nya, sounds good! Hooray! Fujiko's going to celebrate with me! See you tomorrow at my house!" Eiji bounced away happily. Yes, bounced._

_Fuji immediately decided he would ask Tezuka. If Eiji got too annoying, Tezuka would make him run laps or something. He smiled a creepy little smile to himself and walked away to find Tezuka._

_-  
_

_Right,_ Fuji thought after recalling that exchange with Eiji. He glanced over to his side (even though his eyes were always closed) and saw Tezuka walking silently, as usual, and Eiji loud and happy and bouncing. As usual. Fuji just sighed and kept on following Eiji.

A while later, the three third years arrived at a McDonald's. A nice McDonald's, mind you, but nevertheless, a McDonald's. What we would associate with greasy fast food. Heart attacks.

_McDonald's? We walked halfway across Japan just to go to MCDONALD'S?, _Fuji thought angrily.

_Hm. McDonald's isn't exactly the healthiest choice, but I guess we could go there. I'll make them run laps afterwards,_ Tezuka thought.

And since Eiji wasn't afraid to yell, he didn't have to think his thoughts to himself. "OI, WE'RE HERE! MCDONALD'S! I can't wait to get my Happy Meal! Do you think I'll get a different toy this time, Fuji? What if I get the same one, nya? That would stink, because I already have two of the same toy. I don't think there's a high chance of me getting it again, right? Sometimes I wish Inui was here. Well, if I do get the same one I guess I could always go up to the counter and ask them to change it. Nya, but what if they get mad at me? Oi, what if they get annoyed and-"

"Eiji, breathe," Fuji said. He pushed the door open and walked in.

But when Fuji saw that the place was packed with tennis players - all of whom they recognized - he stopped and opened his eyes. Tezuka noticed them too, and his eyes widened a bit. Which, for both of them, is about the equivalent of a dramatic gasp, finger point, and jaw drop.

And then Eiji. Good ol' Eiji. He just grinned and shouted, "Nya, I know you! And you! And you! And I think I know you too! But I'm not sure! Oi, you too! And you! And you! What are you guys doing here?"

Seated at the other tables in the restaurant were Atobe, Jirou, Niou, Yukimura, Kintarou, Sakuno, and Horio.

Atobe stood up, attempted to look superior, and said, "Ore-sama can go to whichever lowly fast food restaurant ore-sama wants to. Now be awed by my prowess!" Complete with a hair flip and a smug look. Jirou was asleep with his head on their table.

Niou turned from his table and gave them a sly smile. He was probably planning a trick to play on someone (like Atobe) or something devilishly sneaky like that. Yukimura just sat there, playing with his fries.

Kintarou, Sakuno, and Horio were at a table talking. Kintarou looked up at them when they entered, and jumped up on a table, shouting, "Look! Koshimae's teammates! Hi!" He waved both his hands, cheeseburger in one hand. A McDonald's associate then had to come over and tell him to please get down off the table. Sakuno just looked away, a bit embarrassed, and Horio wanted to get up on the table with him.

Tezuka rubbed his temples. He could feel a headache coming up. Luckily, he always carried around aspirin in case something like this happened. He excused himself to the bathroom, leaving Fuji and Eiji. _This is going to be a long day..._, Fuji thought as Eiji dragged him to the line.

"Nya, I want a Happy Meal! With a different toy this ti - mmf!" Eiji said as Fuji clamped a hand over his mouth.

He smiled. "You'll have to excuse my friend. He's...challenged. Anyways, I'll have a double cheeseburger combo," Fuji said pleasantly with his smile, which seemed kind of creepy because he was Fuji. The person behind the counter quickly added up the total of their orders and yelled to the people in the back to prepare the food.

By this time, Tezuka returned, griping about the cleanliness of the bathrooms and how he would make the manager and his employees run laps if they didn't clean it. "I'll have a salad. That's it," Tezuka said, ever the silent one.

They got their food, and Eiji dragged Fuji to a table. Once they sat down, Eiji tore open his toy bag. "NO! I GOT THE SAME TOY AGAIN! Why do I always get the same toy? This sucks," Eiji whined and pouted. He glanced over at Horio's toy and said, "Oi, Horio, wanna trade? I want that one, nya."

"Um, Eiji-sempai?" Horio looked at him curiously.

At this moment, Atobe came over and stood in front of Tezuka, looking smug. "Ore-sama challenges you lowly peasants to a contest, but if you do not accept then ore-sama understands that you do not want to be put to shame by ore-sama," he said.

As Fuji was about to interrupt and say they weren't interested, Eiji jumped up and said, "We'll take you on! And win! Right Fujiko?" He looked over at Fuji, who was giving him a death glare. Eiji quickly hid behind Tezuka.

Atobe noticed none of this, and said, "Excellent! Ore-sama shall gather everyone and we shall have a contest to see who is superior, which is obviously ore-sama. Ore-sama and Tezuka will be captains. Ore-sama will pick first. Jirou!"

"Fuji," Tezuka said quickly.

"Yukimura!"

"Eiji."

"Kid with crazy red hair!" Atobe shouted.

"Hey! My name's Kintarou!" Kintarou shouted back, which prompted an argument between the two.

"Niou," Tezuka said while they were fighting.

Atobe stopped fighting for a moment and looked at the two remaining freshmen. "Ore-sama will be gracious and choose you, little boy," he said, pointing to Horio.

"I'm not a little boy! I have two years of tennis experience!" Horio retorted. Which, of course, started another argument.

Tezuka looked at him for a second, then said, "Sakuno." Because she was the only one left. He turned to Atobe and said, "Atobe, what kind of contest is this?"

"Ore-sama will not tolerate this kind of behavior from lowly freshm - what? Oh, right. The contest," Atobe said, "The contest will be a french fry eating contest! Whichever team can eat the most french fries the fastest will win! Ore-sama has enough money to buy plenty of fries, so there's no need to worry about that."

Fuji looked dumbstruck. _French fry eating contest? What the..._, he thought as he sat down on his side of the long table. A McDonald's worker then placed a tray of french fries in front of each person. _So much for a nice celebration_, Fuji thought grimly. _Oh well, might as well crush my opponents,_ he continued thinking with a sadistic smile. Everyone within a five-foot radius felt chills.

_All this consumption of grease will not help our team in Nationals_, Tezuka thought as he looked at the fries with a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach. _They'll be running laps until they die, _he concluded.

"Nya, I love french fries! Hooray!" Eiji cheered, earning a stare from Tezuka.

Atobe had bribed a McDonald's janitor to judge and time the contestants. The janitor blew his whistle, and everyone assumed an eating position. It was dead silent, and everyone was focused. Even the cashiers were watching intently. Though they were also thinking how thankful they were that there weren't any other customers here, otherwise they would probably run away. And never come back.

The whistle blew.

And the eating began.

Kintarou started off with the early lead, practically inhaling french fries. But then again, he was just picking the tray up and dumping it in his mouth.

A few minutes and many trays of french fries later, the janitor blew his whistle again. Everyone stopped eating and leaned back in their seats, feeling as if they were going to throw up.

Even Tezuka looked tired. He looked at the janitor and asked quietly, "So? Who won?"

The janitor looked to the pile of trays on one side, then to the pile on the other, and then the people. "Tie!" he shouted, tossing his whistle back to Atobe and resuming his janitorial duties.

"What? Ore-sama does not believe this could be a tie! Ore-sama and his team definitely ate more than that other inferior team!" Atobe shouted.

The janitor just ignored him and continued cleaning up the mess they made.

Jirou lifted his head up, a fry stuck to his face. He had fallen asleep in the tray of french fries after the whistle blew. "What happened?" he said while yawning.

Eiji had stuffed himself full of fries, so he could barely move. "That was fun, let's do it again, nya! Right Fuji?"

Fuji just sat back. _Why did I come here? I could be with Yuuta...poor Yuuta. He must be so lonely right now. Don't worry Yuuta! I'll be back soon!_

Little did he know Yuuta was celebrating the fact that his brother wasn't home to dote on him.

Fuji recalled his day. _Let's see...have I accomplished anything today?_

1. He had woken up.

2. He had eaten breakfast.

3. He had met Eiji at his house with Tezuka.

4. He had walked across the whole country only to go to this stupid McDonald's.

5. And since it was lunchtime by the time they got there, they ordered food.

6. Atobe challenged them to a stupid eating contest.

7. They were stuffed and felt like throwing up.

8. And here they were, full of grease and ready to crawl in a hole and die.

He shook his head. "Eiji, let's go home now. I need to get back home," Fuji said.

Eiji looked crestfallen. "But I didn't even get a different toy! Nya, I want a new toy!"

Fuji and Tezuka looked at each other and nodded. They both took one of Eiji's arms and dragged him out of McDonald's, calling a taxi so they wouldn't have to walk. Not that they could've gotten very far, though.

The three piled into the back and told the taxi driver where they were going.

"Wow, all the way back there? You guys sure traveled pretty far," the driver said.

"Yeah," Fuji replied, shooting Eiji a look. Eiji just grinned and held up a peace sign.

A while later, they arrived at Eiji's house. They got out of the taxi and stretched. Tezuka opened his mouth to say, "100 laps!" but Eiji beat him by saying, "That was fun! Oi, let's do this again sometime!"

Fuji just turned and started walking towards his house, waving his hand nonchalantly.

"Nya, by the way, we're celebrating tomorrow! I'm bringing Yuuta with us, yay!" Eiji shouted to Fuji as he dashed back into his house before Fuji could get him.

Fuji swore silently, and promised himself he would talk Yuuta out of spending a day with Eiji tomorrow when he got home.

But when he got home, he found a note. It said:

_Hi brother,_

_I'm going to Eiji-sempai's house so you don't need to worry._

_-Yuuta_

Fuji just looked at it, speechless. He rubbed his head, and then went to call Tezuka.

"Hello? Tezuka? Can I have some of your aspirin?"

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**A/N: **Wahh this was such a bad story! I'm sorry! But I need to get something up.

I'm sorry this story is so pointless and weird and stupid. I promise I'll practice and get better!

Again, I apologize for wasting your time. But I hope you found the tiniest bit of amusement from this so your time wasn't COMPLETELY wasted.


End file.
